The California fires

Terrible they indeed are and my thoughts go out to these people who have had their homes and posessions destroyed. However......is it just me or is there a marked difference in the response from the Bushbabies administration compared to the response (or lack of) to the New Orleans floods? Am I just imagining that it could be because New Orleans was full of poor black people and California?...well, say no more.

Wide mouthed woman

We went to the Harvester for a meal, not expecting complete silence you understand but at least some "normal" general chat.What hit me the moment we walked in was some female voice loud and whiny and way over everyone elses.I couldnt believe what I was hearing.Everyone was attempting to have conversations but this damn womans voice drowned everything. Imagine if you will, chalk scraping on a blackboard at 60 decibels.If I think of more analogies Ill print them.

Strangely, the people she was with did nothing to shut her up. The people on the next table had suffered it all through their meal.Ours was just beginning.

I had just grasped a serrated steak knife and was rising from my chair with the intention of cutting her throat, yes , I do mean it, when she left, with her entourage.

A stunned silence (almost) descended over the restaurant and I was saved from a life sentence for murder.

I may have got manslughter under the circumstances.

Yorkshire...ee bye gum!

Well its been a while and I have devoted far more time to Facebook than to my trusty blog. A little update then.

My trusty cousin (sounds a bit like a horse doesnt she? now you come to mention it.........!)

and I went skipping off to Yorkshire recently to view the delights of the Yorkshire Sculpture Park.When BJ as she is known hereabouts booked the farm on which we were to spend our two nights, I dont think either of us realised just what a haul it would be to get there.

It wasnt helped by the fact that the car of choice, the rover, had a problem with the water tank, fan and thermostat ,meaning that we had to stop and top her up every 30 miles.

Not only that but we also had to play mechanics and disconnect the fan at one point which mucked up the engine management system by....well, you surely arent interested in that.But we were proud of ourselves in that we asked for , nor accepted any help.

Farm was in a great location, 360 degree view from the top of a hill and a 10minute walk from a very decent steak house.

The park itself was a wonder.All free .You could make a donation if you wished .

We did. We also sneaked some pics in the underground gallery which you werent supposed to do because they wanted you to buy postcards , which we also did.

Check out the pics.Andy Goldsworthy was the artist who most inspired and Elizabeth Frinks naked men...scary scary SCARY!!

Had a great time.On the second evening, in the middle of the night, the resident cat jumped through our bedroom window straight onto my bed.

Two floors up!

How the hell did it manage that?!

Returned home safely.Next trip is to see Punchdrunk performing the Masque of the Red Death at Battersea arts centre.

Watch this space.

Cyprus ...the finale.....of testosterone, Aphrodite and ice cream vans.

The last bit, I promise.

The swimming pool was really like a hot bath and I do mean hot.As you swam around you kept thinking" Phew, better get out of here before I cook" only to find yourself becoming dry roasted as you emerged from the water.

Best to get in the pool early morning or late afternoon.Not only to beat the sun but to avoid those youths who were christened the Teststerone Three.

They were only about 14-16 and didnt even dwell in the hotel or I might have been able to have a word (maybe). They arrived armed with two lilos , a ball and enough male laddishness to rival , well, any male lad you could think of.

As one was elegantly (?) swimming to and fro these little gits kept flinging in the lilos and jumping on them with assorted whoops and yells.Now, I dont mind the lilos or the yells but they never paid any heed to others in the pool, something which brought them very close, and I do mean close , to being up ended by my version of a great white shark.

Then I realised why. They were showing their male prowess to several girls at the other end of the pool.I felt a measure of sympathy then because the girls clearly regarded them as complete twats , were way to old for them and busy showing off themselves to some older boys at the other end of the pool.

Ahh, sweet bird of youth....bang....there...dead in the water!

Aphrodites birthplace was beauiful and even tempted me to leave the confines of the air conditioned car for a micro second to snap a pic and return. Legend has it that if you swim around the rock, clockwise , 20 times at mid night, you look 20 years younger.

Im still waiting.

My own testosterone two wanted to have a go on a jet ski which they did.(See the pic)

I was very tempted but chickened out, deciding that I didnt have the upper body strength necessary to climb back on the thing after I had inevitably fallen off. A vision that no innocent soul should have to witness.

The trip up the Troodos mountains was good but after slaving away and roasting even with the aircon to reach the summit what did we find?

A radar establishment, cctv cameras and.......Mr Whippy!

Yes, right at the top was an ice cream van gratefully received.

I think it was Peter Kay.

Cyprus was lovely.

Check out some of the wildlife .

Cyprus part two...of lost loukamades and dancing greeks

It was to be a special meal, greek night at the Oasis.Pepe had pre ordered loukamades from the mad dancing greek who had assured him that they would be there, ready for him. Andreas and the Patsy were joining us and all would be great fun.

Not.

It was mind numbingly hot , even at 9pm and things did not get off to a good start when Patsy was forced to wait, very reluctantly, for Neo coolboy who is always last to get ready.

Then , when the restaurant was invaded, the mad greek had a look of horror on his face because he clearly had completely forgotten the aforementioned louks in his excitement at leaping over flaming grappa probably.

Bad to worse.

Patsy finished her meal in a microsecond, I did not receive half of mine and still the carnivores of our party were awaiting half a lamb each closely followed by a whole emu.

Too much for the Patsy, she left.

I tried to leave but Pepe got very shirty about it and so I stayed to keep the peace.

Mistake.

Sat there for an hour, in the heat, no drink, whilst Pepe , not so patiently, waited for the missing loukamades.

Excuses ranged from, "Ive sent the wife out to get them" to the final "you know what, they BURNED the loukamades" To which I mouthed the reply "b******s"

All tempers were frayed and to cap it all, the bill then took another hour to arrive whilst the mad greek roasted his nether regions by leaping over flaming circles of grappa on the floor of the restaurant whilst balancing glasses on his head.

Altogether, a crap night.

More pleasant tales to follow.

More views of Sunny Cyprus

THE PATSY IN PROFILE

PEPE LE SHREW BETWEEN FEEDS

NORIEGA CHILLIN

SNOB BOY AS THE THINKER

NEO COOLBOY

SNOB BOY AND NORIEGA IN THE EXEC BEDROOM

Back from sunnier climes!

Its been a while and I thought I would add to my trusty blog. Returned from Aphrodites Isle about a week ago and immediately got overwhelmed by the dirty washing ....here I am now.

Cyprus was a brilliant holiday, en famille, which has its ups and downs.Stayed in a great place, Coral beach resort near Paphos.A tad expensive but good accommodation. See the pic, view from our third floor room over the pool, sea and harbour.

Arrived to a heatwave.Yes, I know.Cyprus , August what would you expect? Well, NOT temperatures in the mid 40s and a humidity of 80-90% thats for sure! Anyway, much swimming, lazing in the shade, eating , reading and drinking. It was a tough job but someone had to do it.

More famille in the shape of Andreas, aka "Snob boy" and the Patsy arrived during our first week. I must state here, for anyone to read that the following account of parts of their stay are written with much affection as we thoroughly enjoyed their company.That being said......

Snob boy is so called because he doesnt like to mix with the riff raff or "poor people" and so he and the Patsy had booked themselves into the executive area of the hotel.Separate entrance, sofas, a patio and private (well, away from the chaves) dining if they wished.

THE EXEC AREA

The only trouble was that they were on the ground floor so they didnt have the view that us tramps had and were forced to look at lazing, shiny, frying bodies on the grass immediately in front of their patio. This , coupled with the fact that the Patsy, who is much more in touch with her working class roots, would not allow him to use the private dining area, meant that snob boy was forced to dine with the rest of the rabble.

Now dining was a trauma for another of the party, one Pepe le Shrew.If Pepe didnt eat something every 15minutes he went into a blue funk threatening to " Find his own restaurant" and such like. After this initial sticky couple of hours we purchased some snacks for Pepe so that the room permanently resembled the Co Op and smelled like the cheese section in Sainsburies.Not to worry, it kept Pepe happy.

More pics of the hotel and its guests to follow.More of the Cyprus saga to be written after the weekend. Watch this space.