Anikasrambles

The aged relative.. also occasionally known as. "The Polish Problem"

2011-12-23T18:23:00.003Z

Today was to be the trip to see the newly installed gravestone surround for my Auntie Elsie.

I had purchased roses for him (the aged uncle) and we arrived at his flat at 9.45.

He was ready except for his outdoor clothes.

He was quite determined to try and walk as much as possible and steadfastly pushed his mobile frame/mini wheelchair ahead of him.

He affectionately calls it the "Spyder".

It was bloody muddy and windy but we made it to the grave with the odd bit of resting for breath.

A few tears, thats natural, and he liked the stone.

Starting to make our way back, he uttered the words every mother dreads

"I need a wee wee"

In the middle of Denham churchyard, no shelter.

Fortunately no people except golfers either so it was managed. I did watch to see where he aimed because we had to get him and the wheely thing back in the car after!

Anyway, all was well and he was very grateful, bless him.

As I was leaving , he conspiratorially whispered to me that

"Sex is bad for you. If I made babies now it would kill me"

At 98 Im not bloody surprised!

I told him I would give it up immediately.

Yet another male with too many insecurities

2011-10-11T12:05:00.003Z

Am I alone in feeling sick to the back teeth of having to prop up some male with a fragile ego whilst attempting to mindread and not say anything that could be misinterpreted?
I am not speaking of my immediate family......for those of you who know them....but a new friend who is also very needy.
Now, Im a sucker for a lame duck so here I am, propping up an ego and dealing with insecurities to such an extent that I tie myself up in knots.
"Fuck this!" is my frequent mantra, only to return to my steadfast phone to send another text indicating that
"All is well, I am cool, Are you ok??"
What a wimp! Me , not him. Im not accustomed to this sort of cat and mouse and here I am writing about it.I need to do this so that I can return here and remind myself that I need to keep saying
"Fuck this!"
TTFN

The arrival of the Daewoos

2010-01-19T10:05:00.003Z

"I do not want any more animals now that the guinea pigs have gone."

I distinctly remember saying those very words.

I did not imagine them.

So, what happens last week?

The arrival of four new females in the house.

(This is something I dont object to having lived with testosterone overload for many years you understand.)

However, the aforementioned females are Degus, little creatures with squirrel faces and grey ratty bodies.

That may sound unappealing to some but they really are very sweeT.

Just, NOT MORE ANIMALS THAT WILL EVENTUALLY BECOME MY PROBLEM!!

It was the eldest, 25 years old, who came home with them.

"Its ok mum, my girlfriend and I will take care of them."

His girlfriend and he are going to Egypt, together, in a few weeks time.

"Taking them with you are you?!" I asked, in exasperation.

The Box

2010-01-18T09:19:00.008Z

The pet sat in contemplation.
It had never been happy in boxes.
It liked to live and breath and eat and think outside the box always.
The way to the box had been wonderful and it had been lead there, even leading the way itself, more than willingly. It had been unaware that a box was what lay ahead of it .
The master was so kind and very interesting.The master was also a very busy person with many demands made.
The master spoke with reassuring words and soothing tones that really had fired up the creatures enthusiasm and it had gone willingly.
Willingly but with a little apprehension because it did not know the way very well.
It had been well fed on the way and understood that the master had many pets
and that it was a special pet so that was ok. It never ever wanted more than one master.
It reached the box and was not unhappy with it.It felt comfortable and it had plenty to keep itself occupied.

Soon the masters soothing words became fewer and the food supply dwindled to crumbs dropped through the airholes in the lid. The lid was on firmly and there was a keyhole but no key.
The creature was well cared for but felt it position was insecure. Should it whine and scratch the box to get attention? It had always been an impatient, overenthusiastic creature.

No, that wasnt the creatures way.It would wait and see.
One day, it was told that its box was one of many. It knew this already but it wanted to know if the other boxes were also special.

It felt something pressing against its side , under its fur.
It was a key!
Oh , yes, now it remembered.
Never leave the key to your happiness in someone elses pocket.
Keep it in your own.
The creature was glad it had done this.
It had the key.
It would still wait...but now it had found the key.

Infinitives split with gay abandon

2010-01-10T00:51:00.003Z

Apologies to those of you to whom the splitting of the aforesaid infinitives is a treasonable offence.
:))

Laminar Air Flow cabinets and the perils of alcohol

2010-01-02T20:46:00.003Z

Poor cousin W. (Another pseudonym)
He had just got to grips with having a new boss when he was asked to take a new co worker round with him and show him the ropes.
Show him the ropes.
This was not a euphemism for a strange new sexual position you understand but a genuine request that the man, who happened to be Dutch ,which may be relevant, (you will see later) could see how things were done and "network ".
Perhaps with hindsight, "show him the ropes" was a poorly chosen expression which in itself got the poor Dutchman excited.
Anyway, cousin W diligently did his best and took Dutch to a shindig , social soiree whatever , at which there were to be some very big knobs (DEFINITELY not a euphemism).
The story goes that all present were imbibing alcohol and cousin W left Dutch to his own devices (clearly a soon to be discovered dreadful error).
Cousin W returned to find Dutch hovering around a table at which sat an attractive but obviously flustered lady who was trying to attract the attention of her male escort.
It would seem that Dutch introduced himself to said lady with the opening gambit that he would like to "F**k her in a Laminar Airflow Cabinet", the convention being about such devices.
The lady , who was unused to such forwardness , was not amused.
Turns out later, she was the managing director.
Oh Joy!
Now, dear cousin W is sincerely hoping that Dutch will have tendered his resignation over Christmas as the aforementioned lady will have no contact from Dutch even to allow an apology.
I think she should have made light of it , perhaps saying" lets get the hors d'ouvres out of the way and then we'll see"
But who am I to say.
Poor poor cousin W.
But he should console himself with the fact that the Flying Dutchman has discovered an entirely new and unique use for the Cabinet .
Surely this is a good marketing point?
They are , after all, well known for their sterility.

Of Neil, Norah and frozen beasties that go bump in the night.

2010-01-02T20:21:00.003Z

So it was that Neil arrived, as promised (?!) on Christmas eve.
As usual, he came at dishing up time, although there was never any doubt that he would "graze" whilst at Chez Moi. (He has been known to consume items as varied as a frozen chip and a wax ear plug.)
He came bearing gifts...two frozen rabbits and two frozen pheasants.
(Brrrrr...an involuntary shiver from me was of course suppressed, not wanting to hurt his feelings. Anyway, I think the carnivores will devour them but they will have to cook them too!)
Sitting at dinner, he explained in great detail how he had bought a new lamp so that he could assist his friend, Percy the Poacher (a pseudonym you understand) in catching the poor unfortunate animals at the dead of night.
His job , it seemed, was to shine the light into their eyes , thus transfixing them so that Percy could dispatch them.
I made the mistake of suggesting that the wee animals that were now at rest in my freezer were in fact illegally acquired at which point Neil, who never takes offence at anything, indignantly insisted that he had bought them fair and square from Sileby Market and made me study the price list he produced to verify this.
I was duly humbled.
He did provide some entertainment, telling me of his attempts at a roast dinner (pheasant of course) for Norah from the chip shop. (Neil, for readers who are unaware, is mentally challenged and has only just begun to live alone , with carers keeping an eye on him so this is a superb achievement.)
I quizzed him, asking if Norah was his girlfriend.
This he vehemently denied, saying that she was "an old lady"
Now, he is 28.
I hope to God I dont fall into that category just yet!

The innocence of youth and pleasing others

2009-11-01T23:14:00.004Z

So...I was standing in the queue at Boots, just behind a lady with a small child in a pushchair.

Ahead of us was another couple.They also had a child who was playing with the barrier rope.

He was innocently walking underneath and blowing a raspberry each time he did it.

Suddenly the child in the pushchair began to chuckle.

.This caught "barrier boys" attention and he looked over.

The chuckling stopped.

He soon realised that he was instrumental in the chuckling as, each time he did his trick , "pushchair baby" chuckled like mad.

This made both small children very happy and the game continued , chuckling was louder each time and the act that caused it became more and more elaborate in order to elicit greater chuckles.

Obviously it stopped when barrier boys parents moved away but not before the whole queue had become entranced with this display.

It was quite magical and led me to wonder why it is that children can do something so simple when the reward is nothing more than to know they have made someone else happy?

Yet we as adults would require so much more if we put in so much effort.

When did we lose the knack?

Children rock.

Yes they do.

Post script to " The Dream"

2009-11-01T23:05:00.002Z

The couple in the dream did indeed get in touch again.
The bride to be was very worried that in some way the dream would come true but , in fact, the complete opposite occurred. Her groom will not let her out of his sight, has promised never to go away again and she is beginning to wonder if she should have left her mobile phone at home!! (Just kidding)

The dream

2009-10-18T17:38:00.002Z

They had never met and yet , she felt she knew everything about him.
His appearance, likes and dislikes , sense of humour, skeletons in his closet, his voice...mmm...his voice.
What else was there to know?
I guess, how he felt about her would be good.
But, hang on, he had told her hadnt he?
Yes , true, only once or twice.
But he had told her to remember it.
Yes
Remember it and feel secure.
Secure.
Its a woman thing he said.No need to keep repeating it.
Really?
Perhaps it was a woman thing she said to herself.
She kept the faith.
Time ticked by. And carried on ticking .
And she kept the faith.
One day, they met. On their wedding day. It was quite unexpected.
He sent a text, she replied .
He came to her room.
He had lost weight. She liked it although it didnt matter to her.He could have been the size of giant haystacks and she wouldnt have minded.
It was the same as the hair business.He was very worried about being so hairy but she really really didnt mind. And , he had scars, and lumps but again, she didnt mind.
When he sat talking with her after the very quick service, she felt so happy.
Then, he left.He said he had to get back.
OK she said.
No problem, she said.
But , there was a problem. They still didnt know each other.They had no physical relationship .
And now, as she checked her phone, her battery was dead.
He was gone, her husband of 1 hour and her battery was dead.
She couldnt contact him and she knew in her heart that he would not contact her.
The happiness turned to sadness.
She would not be fooled again.

A tale of three spiders

2009-05-25T23:17:00.005Z

Sid felt a little squashed , hunched up as he was in a small area of the wainskirting that needed some filler. He had been waiting for some minutes to see his friend and playmate, Arthur, who had indicated by a wave of his sixth leg, that he would join Sid shortly.
"Hmmmm" muttered Sid.
"Never trust the sixth son of a sixth Harvestman, too busy hanging around in corners and showing off!" he growled spiderly.
Just at that moment , the dark corner in which he was lurking became flooded with light.
"Oh bugger! Thats done it! " he thought to himself.
"The missus is in the room."
Click.. click.. click....click click click! came the soft noise.
It was Arthur.
He was under the sofa, trying to attract Sids attention......and....he wasn't alone!
" Over here Sid, " he whispered. Im with my fiancee, Sherree."
Oh great! Thought Sid. Even less reason to meet me now, probably fertilising eggs as we click!
"Well get your skinny self and your bird over here before she- who- hates -us, sees us and gets her bloke to do us all!

" No," said Arthur "Ive got a better idea.Lets have a little game with her.Shes scared stiff of us"
"Just follow me, go where I go".

"Sounds suicidal to me " thought Sid irritably, but he was up for showing off in front of Sids fiancee. "Nice palps that one" he leered.

Arthur suddenly scuttled from his hiding place and moved quickly to the centre of the rug.
Sherree followed , frightened to be left alone under the sofa .(She was scared of the dark).
Sid , followed suit and the three of them were in full view of the missus who let out a terrible shriek, but didnt move.

Realising that, in fact ,they were onto a winner, the three of them devised a little dance, loosely based on a square dance where each of them ran to an opposite corner and back to the middle again.
This dance was much enhanced by Arthur , wishing to show sherree what he was made of, whistling " Born Free" whilst waving his palps in the air.
This little menage a trois continued for a few minutes until......

Bam! Oh ...my...God! Sid exclaimed as Sherree ran for cover.

Arthur had been trapped by the great glass elevator in the sky.
He was, as Sid watched from the safety of the sofa with Sherree, trying desperately to climb up the sheer sides of the glass.All to no avail.

"Ah well, he was a good bloke, shame he didnt get to fertilise those eggs of yours Sherree"
said Sid.
"May I be so bold as to offer my services?"

And......the two lived happily ever after.....until she-who-hates-us...got the hoover out the next day.

This is a true story , based on facts given to me by a friend (she-who-hated-them).
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Attack of the killer geese

2009-03-10T20:41:00.007Z

The day started in a fairly hectic way with the youngest being driven to the station in order that he might continue his studies in studentland, braving the rush hour traffic to Staines and only half awake at that.
Still, a walk , with my old mukker Marion, along the canal, through the marina , round Little Britain Lake , ending up with a nice cuppa and an egg and bacon sarnie at the lock keepers cottage was looming so all was right with the world.

Yes, I know it looks innocent enough but look into its eyes!

The first bit was good and then we began the little Britain stretch.
Now I noticed the man walking his carthorse down the road, heard a little scuffle, didnt think much of it.

My first mistake.

Through the hedge, necks outstretched,orange beaks bared (if theyd had teeth they would have been bared too) hissing and running straight for us came two white geese.
"They dont look happy " said Marion.
"Theyll be OK" said moi.

My second mistake.

This is more like it!

These damn avian rottweillers made a bee line (gooseline I suppose) for Marion who, fortunately , out of character, was wearing full length trousers instead of her usual shorts.
(Not for nothing is she known as "legs".)

They pecked her hard on the shin and thigh, making a two pronged attack that meant she didnt stand a chance.
Now, why they went for her and not me is simply speculation.I think they were attracted to her light coloured trousers rather than my black ones. Maybe they thought she looked like an egg stealer , tho god alone knows where their eggs were.
Whatever.
I could not stand and watch my pal being attacked and so I jumped into the affray clapping my

hands and shooing loudly.

Quite what I thought I would achieve I cannot be sure.
Its all a haze.
Anyway
The beasts took not a jot of notice and persisted with their foul attack.
Then I really got mad and started hitting them, hard on their not insubstantial backs and swiping at their long necks in the hope of strangling them,at which point they turned their attentions to me.
This was where my heroism really showed itself.
"Run !" I yelled to Marion who was still recovering. I wish I had also added "save yourself" for effect.
As if she would.
Fortunately the combined attack had exhausted the evil pair and they fled , scuttling back through the hedge, leaving myself and Marion, shocked but close to hysterical laughter when we realised we werent injured. (Well, Marion reported the next day that she had a bruise but the skin wasnt broken).
The fishermen, who had been watching this scene , never once attempting to assist us , had big smurks on their dumb faces and then informed us that the horse man had also been attacked in a similar way.
Well, gee, thanks for the warning guys!!
Next Sunday, Goose on my menu!!

The Bee

2009-02-21T13:47:00.004Z

I took these pics of a bumble bee on a Buddleia in my garden last year and I so love them I want to put them on display.Its as tho the bee got fed up with being photographed and decided...thats it...Im off!

Ramblings about FACEBOOK

2009-02-21T13:33:00.006Z

Just an update for my millions of fans...well......just two of them actually and I havent heard from them in a while.

A rainbow over my garage. See, there always is one even when you dont think so.

First, FACEBOOK.

Well, I am such an addict that I have successfully wasted time during this half term when I should have been doing STUFF. Ive now discovered CHESS , which along with Scrabble , Lexulous , Mobwars and occasionally Who has the biggest brain ( I think you know where I might go with that one) is my latest addiction.

But , hang on, is it so terrible?

I have made lots of new friends, had loads of ups and some downs , which is normal for an I-must-cram-everything-into-one-microsecond-kind of person like me.

And, it could be worse.I could be out selling my body on the streets.

Yes, thankyou, I know, any change for 50pence?!

Who dares wins, another motto along with ......you regret that which you dont do rather than that which you do.

Rock on!!

All is well.....

2009-02-01T01:18:00.002Z

All is well.My anger has diminished and I feel content. That makes me happy.
And happy is good, however you achieve it.
Because you cant achieve happiness by doing bad or wrong things can you?
If you do, its transient.
So...
There endeth my little bit of catharrsis......

Why do they need these?!

2009-01-05T20:43:00.002Z

OK, so I dont see the need for great hulking 4x4s when all you are doing is dropping the kids off to school or going to the supermarket....via the Matterhorn, backwards whilst being winched up from a great height I suppose!! Rock on Boris and tax those babies!

I also dont see the need for buggies, yes, baby pushchairs with the same sort of wheel base. Have you seen them? They must be carrying a team of sumo wrestlers to warrant that amount of wheel power! The reason I am so incensed is not so much environmental as physical.

When you are waiting for the lift to the 6th floor and it finally arrives with enough space for a couple, its impossible to get more than two of these damn things in which means you are faced with another long wait or a god awful trek up from the lower ground floor, arriving gasping and heaving at the top not even able to open the car door before expiring on the roof tarmac!!

You get my drift?!!!

On .....being naive

2009-01-02T12:50:00.003Z

Have you ever wanted to be able to disconnect your emotions from physical reality?
I cant believe its just me.
And, when does one learn not to take things at face value and naively believe everything everyone says?
Surely Im too old for that now?
I guess not....
"Im quite intuitive" I confidently say and then, yet again my intuition, helped along by my naivety, lets me down.

Licking my wounds
feeling sorry for myself
Oh poor me!!!

The babies

2008-11-14T22:52:00.002Z

I cannot find the words that will adequately express my feelings about the babies.
No stretch of the imagination will ever make me believe that what happened was for a reason.
Other than...pure evil taking its course.
I can say , with absolute certainty, that I could take the lives of those who murdered the babies , in cold blood.
Does that make me like them?
I suppose, in a way, but I wouldnt f*****g care!
I can find the words to rant and rage at a system so shoddily built on the premise that "the best place for children is with their parents"
B******s!

I would go so far as to say that people should be screened for their suitability and competence to be parents in the first place and, if found wanting, never allowed to have or keep any babies.
And, no woman has a god given right to have a child just because she can.
And, spend some f*****g money on child protection, safe families and homes for these poor little innocents.
And, opposed as I am to capital punishment, I would hang the bastards after torturing them first!!!
Sieg Heil!

I pray that the souls of those dear little ones are happier now than they ever were on this earth and out of harms way.

Of Barrack, Brand and backpacks.

2008-11-08T21:30:00.006Z

BARRACK...I love this man! He is so charismatic and everyone thinks he will work magic.Thats just the trouble, hes only human as he said himself...he wasnt born in a manger! Lets give him a chance and not keep thinking that hes everyones homeboy and will solve all the black problems with a wave of his sensitive, cultured hand.Still, big kisses from me...mwah.

And I love these two men also, but in totally different ways of course.

I have written so many letters about the Russell /Jonathan fiasco that I am almost speechless on the subject.Almost, but not quite. We seem to be moving on but its taken the silent majority out there a long time to support these two and see the absolute injustice of Russells resignation and Jonathans suspension. It was a bad joke, schoolboy humour, distasteful but THATS ALL IT WAS!! They didnt murder, rape or abuse anyone and Andrew Sachs was contacted before the program went out to see if he approved.He obviously didnt but it was broadcast anyway so...who do you sack? The performers who are employed to do that which they did or the producer who ignored Andrew Sachs concerns? Or. indeed , NO ONE!

Apologies were accepted , should have been enough. Oh boy , I HATE being part of a generation who still cant move on!! BACKPACKS ...is this a sad sign of the times or just me? I went to the bank today to sort out a mistake they had made (I never make any, as you know, Im always right) .

Whilst I was standing at the counter, a girl behind me put her backpack on the floor next to me and sort of indicated that she would like me to watch it while she went and withdrew money. I said , yeah, sure, like you do but as she walked away I started having serious second thoughts.

Why couldnt she take it with her? It was a backpack for Gods sake! She could put it on her back, thus leaving her hands free for the transaction.What if it contained a bomb? What should I do? She looked harmless enough but you could never tell. I watched her carefully, thinking if she showed any signs of leaving wthout it I would race after her, carrying it, thus saving all except myself and her from the ensuing blast.What if she was a suicide bomber and had no intention of leaving?!.......All this took less than 5minutes.Clearly I am here to tell the tale, feeling more than a little ashamed of myself..I guess Im only human after all...bit of a shock really.

More about Salsa..

2008-11-05T22:42:00.003Z

I feel I should update my thousands of readers on the Salsa experience as it continues.

I have been diligently attending and seem to be improving but I went one step(or several twirls) too far last week. I took part in the advanced class.

Now, whilst I managed the steps, the twirls were of great concern, leaving me feeling as tho I had just ridden Oblivion at Alton Towers! Everyone was very encouraging, even Aussie Keith who had been a bit negative up till now(having convinced himself that I was trying to "lead" him! God alone knows how...hes at least a foot taller than me!!) I need a bit of practice at the twirls before I go back to that. Its a great class with lots of individual characters. Us women get to know the men because we move on every thirty seconds. We have....nice Andrew who is a great dancer and leads you beautifully, little Paul with the neck scarf who is not so good but tries hard, Funny Peter who livens up the proceedings greatly, Irish Paul (of whom I have gossip that I cant share here in case a salsite should come upon this blog! E mail me if you want details).Quiet Jason who , up until now I liked but he seems to have caught the " youre leading "bug from Aussie Keith! Hang on.......thats two of them...could it be that I am leading?...nah.....impossible! And, last but not least, naughty Michael the leader, he of the "youre cuddling me darling and I like it!" Oh yes, and Wendys favourite Alvaro on the door.

Good fun.I have posted another pic of me in the class, (see above) .True, its not that flattering and my hair is shorter now but...you get the idea?

Andalay Andalay!!

Of Buddy and Bader-Meinhof

2008-11-03T22:42:00.009Z

The 4th annual London trip saw us meeting in Yo sushi at Paddington Station. (Never knowingly underfed are we?!) BJ had been a clever girl and got us bed and breakfast for only 5quid more than the travel lodge and cheap tickets to see Buddy. Our first port of call was the Wellington Pub on the Strand.The very same one that Wendy and I had partaken of a few years earlier.

We managed a fair amount of tucker and two bottles, yes two, of wine between the two of us. Yaki , the Spanish waiter, was very attentive until he realised that he was utterly alone and having to serve food to the 5000 at which point he threw a hissy fit. We managed to calm him and make him laugh...is there no end to our talent?.......and he carried on with the puddings.

Rolling back to the hotel for a quick rest (well. somethings got to give!) and back to the Wellington for pre theatre drinkies. BJ disappointed me here.I had lined up two double g and ts and ended up drinking both.Its a hard job but someones gotta do it! She maintains that she had trouble with her tummy, I think shes just so much of a light weight on the drinks front

that she couldnt handle it.(I know she'll read this!)

The Bader -Meinhofs had been giving her some trouble , so she did very well.

Buddy was sublime and we sang ourselves hoarse as well as all the way back to the hotel to flake out till brekkie.

Another massive feed in luxurious surroundings , a walk over Waterloo bridge and along the South Bank and we found ourselves at the cafe in the South Bank Centre, stuffing our faces again. Ahhh, another year over. Roll on next year!

Good company, good food and loadsa laughs, what more do you need?

Turkey

2008-11-02T23:42:00.007Z

More to follow.......

Time I added some some Turkey pics I think.

We went there in August, stayed just outside Hisaronu, near Oludeniz. It was a lovely country and the people were amazingly friendly. The resort, Montana Pine was brilliant.Up in the mountains , lovely views , only trouble was a damn long hike up about 50 steps just to get back to the rooms.Obviously, all built on the mountainside.Look at the pics.Ill stop talking.

Reception at Montana Pine

went to the pics

2008-11-02T23:39:00.002Z

Just got back from the new James Bond...Quantum of Solace.

Excellent action and the story was OK.

So much for Cosmo in the Sunday times!

I was quite worn out with all the shooting and stuff!

Well worth seeing.

More on Evil Bob

2008-10-28T08:18:00.006Z

So the saga continues......Evil Bob has now achieved one of his goals, he has planning permission for the detached two bed bungalow to be built within a whisper of our side fence.

Now, Im in favour of moving on but the males of my family (and I live within an all male household except for guinea pig and hamster) are steaming.You could cut the testosterone with a knife. This is compounded by the fact that we now seem to have a "dance of the vehicles" situation in the road.
My alpha two( the third of them is away at university but he would have a much more measured approach anyway) park their cars just the otherside of Bobs dropped kerb and he is, as you know , a white van man so he cant quite squeeze his van into the space.Then he has to( heaven forbid) park a couple of feet further down the road.

As soon as one of our cars moves, he zooms in like a cheetah and parks his van there.Sometimes his bumper appears to be attempting to perform an act on our car which is illegal in some countries! Look at the pic.

Bobs van is where you can see, right near my house

His house is at the other end of the fence. Why why why???

Needless to say, during all of this macho posturing, sweet little dixy is either in the drive or safe in the garage.
Oh in the words of Charlie Sheen " Men, men, men , men manly men, do do do do do do doooo!"

A walk on the downs...and a wee bit of fun!

2008-10-27T23:30:00.003Z

Wow, the weather was brilliant today. Mucky, Legs and I went for a stunning walk along the Dunstable downs. Just a short 4 miler today but great fun and a good meal in a pub.Nice scrumpy Jack cider.
We laughed almost all the time but none longer than when Mucky related her escapade with her sister. They were both desperate for a wee and , as it was a misty morning, so the story goes, they sneaked into the woods to do the deed.
They had both settled when Mucky noticed something shiny on the ground beneath her .
What the...?! was her retort just before the torrent began , only to find her weeing on her pedometer which did of course cease to function immediately, well who wouldnt?!
Laugh, Legs and I creased up at this.How on earth could she not have noticed it and various other rude remarks.I told her I would blog it and here it is.
The irony of this story is that within 5 minutes, I promise you not a moment longer had passed,I needed to wee and took myself off to a suitably private spot where I proceeded to do exactly the same thing!
Although I did actually notice the poor machine just before the flood hit it, wild elephants could not have stopped that mid stream urine and, like Muckys, mine gave up the ghost.
That will teach you I can hear you say!

Quiz night at the oasis

2008-10-25T15:53:00.003Z

Third time lucky is perhaps how we four trusty warriors (cerebral you understand) viewed the forthcoming quiz.It was the same one that Heather and Dick (he of the" lets choose get your leg over as the joker" thinking it was about sex when in fact it was about cricket) came to last year.Then, we finished about 8th , which was a big improvement on bottom.
Anyway
when we arrived it was all a little surreal, perhaps not quite Dali, more Bertold Brecht with a hint of Kafka. We noshed and drank, making merry as we went.Actually, we thought we werent too bad but others seemed to be taking it much more seriously.
All of us contibuted, I did the Stef Penny question, Chiv did the crash of Rhinos, Moishe leapt in with the crusaders cross and BJ, well ,she had more than one or two significant answers.
Crunch time, they started reading the winners in reverse order and we didnt even hear ours , thinking we must have missed it but no!
We came a stunning....first!!
This is what we won. Well, it was spots not flowers and we won 1 each so roll on next year!

even more of the dish

2008-10-15T22:49:00.004Z

Yummy or what?!

Eye candy, plain and simple

2008-10-15T22:45:00.002Z

SERGE PIZZORNO from KASABIAN. Shoot the runner or what?!

Here is the dish of the day/week/month.

Totally sexist, eye candy.

No apologies here.

Ill be adding somthin soon!

Piggy Wellies

2008-06-19T19:51:00.000Z

Check out this sooo cool pig.

http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-GB&brand=&vid=8b6cc151-fea0-48c9-a98e-0258f4320bc3

A natury bit

2008-06-15T19:02:00.006Z

Many birds have taken a liking to the fat and seed chunks that have been put out on the washing line.I have to suffer their dirty, greasy little feet sitting on the washing but nevertheless.....one regular visitor to the garden is a Juvenile Great Spotted Woodpecker and I managed to get some snaps through the kitchen window .Not too clear but you can see it.

Take a look.

The honey sandwich...epilogue

2008-06-15T19:00:00.001Z

Alpha male apologised and the apology was accepted but it didnt prevent another pointless argument from occuring the next day!!!!
Enough of family trivia for now.

The honey sandwich

2008-06-11T18:21:00.002Z

I will try to leave out the expletives but I cant promise.
What is it about men?
Single minded attention to detail is one thing but stupid nit picking pathetic comments are quite another.
The story goes......
(Scene:- The kitchen where alpha male has just cleared up ready to prepare the tea.Alpha female is making a honey sandwich just prior to Pilates because if she eats a meal she almost throws up when doing the down ward facing dog.)
Alpha male: " Are you going to clear up?"
Alpha female: "What do you mean?"
Alpha male:" Are you going to clear up? I have to prepare tea."
(At this point there is precisely one tub of margarine, one knife , two slices of bread and one jar of honey out AND, alpha female is only halfway through making the sandwich.)
Alpha female:" I havent finished yet and anyway Ive only got a tub of marg out"
Alpha male: "What about the honey? Are you going to put it away?"
Alpha female :(Getting a little riled)"I havent finished yet! What ARE you on about?!"
Alpha male;" Dont argue with me!"
Alpha female :(Who at this point is rapidly evolving into that woman out of Species who kills all the men) "Dont be ridiculous!" (Yelling now)
Alpha male :(Also yelling now and neither of them has noticed the open skylight through which evil Bob can be heard gently mowing his lawn.Not that it would have mattered as far as Alpha female is concerned)
"Dont argue with me!!"
Alpha female: " OH SHUT UP YOU STUPID MAN!!!"
(at which point Alpha male leaves the room, perhaps sensing that the knife Alpha female is wielding may soon be put to a more inventive use.)

Post script
Neither Alpha female or Alpha male have won this totally pointless and fatuous argument because Alpha female " clears up" as she always intended to and is then so rattled by the whole sorry saga that she loses her appetite and the inclination to go to Pilates (Helen isnt going either).
The scene now is thus...Alpha female is not speaking to Alpha male, certainly will not eat the tea he has cooked out of principle and intends to polish off a bottle of wine before making herself a fried egg sandwich.
Happy f*****g families!!!

Salsa

2008-06-09T21:28:00.004Z

Well after the excesses of the pudding club I had to do something more than Pilates on Wednesday. (Scottish Bobby is going on Tuesday now.....I think I must have upset him.)

So, I was persuaded to attend Salsa classes, Ealing Broadway on Tuesdays.

I was very apprehensive but need not have been. Everyone was really friendly and there were actually more men than women! The women moved on every minute to a different partner and I managed to move completely round the room 4 times in one hour.

No one complained and everyone was smiley smiley but Im sure I stepped on more than a few toes.

I sweated buckets.

Yes, I know ladies are not supposed to sweat .

I never said I was a lady and anyway, it was BUCKETS!

The only slight embarrassment for me was that I go the colour of Tomato Salsa within minutes of moving around.

I even tried wearing green makeup the second week but I just looked like Mortitia Addams.

Third time lucky this week.

Oh all right, its not really me in the picture but its close!

The Pudding club

2008-06-09T20:59:00.007Z

My ever so generous cousin bought me the birthday present of a visit to the famous Pudding Club.She had already decided that neither of us would be in a fit state to drive home and so we stayed the night.Three ways House Hotel in Mickleton in the Cotswolds is the home of the club and we arrived for the munch along with at least 70 other fat and unashamed personages.

We were warned not to eat too much of the meal as ...no less than....7 puddings were to follow.All of the steamed variety.Well, one was a rhubarb crumble but you get the picture.
They were accompanied by custard, toffee sauce or chocolate sauce.
We were on a table with complete strangers but not for long.We all had to pull together you see , or we would receive collective punishments if puddings went uneaten.Suffice to say, we all rose, or nearly threw up in some cases, to the occasion and yours truly managed 8 puddings!

Pretend the image is pudding not pizza!

We met some really friendly people , one of whom told us his complete medical history which featured the removal of his colon.
God alone knows how he managed to eat what he did.
Where theres a will.....
It was a superb couple of days and Sticky Toffee and Date pudding won the contest. Yehhhh!
Roll on next year.

It has to be....SCOTLAND!

2008-06-09T20:01:00.012Z

My first update has just got to be Bonnie Scotland.

An amazing time was had with wonderful scenery, weather,and a midge free environment.

Glasgow was our first night stop where we were amply fed at a local travel lodge.

Much to my companions howls of sarcastic glee, I shall say that the waitress, Magda, a lovely student from Poland, gave me her one and only personal plastic spoon to enable me to partake of a yoghourt whilst on the road. It was particularly poignant as the aforesaid spoon had been aquired by Magda whilst at the pictures with her boyfriend, thus being of great sentimental value to her.

I was touched.

Glencoe on the way up. Glenfinnan monument on Loch Shiel.

Rock cottage far surpassed all our expectations.On a private estate (none of your hoi polloi)

with the most incredible views day after day.Each morning showed the view in a different light.

Rock cottage and views The Loch Moidart at the end of our driveway.

Stunning.

All of it.

The cottage had some little quirks like the Aga in the kitchen permanently switched on and churning out heat to such an extent that an air conditioning unit was necessary in the kitchen! Nevertheless, some good tucker was produced and consumed in that kitchen.

And the wildlife.......right outside the conservatory...everyday birds and animals with the highlight being a pinemartin. Pics and more ramblings to follow.

Take a break from Scottieland for now.

Back again after way too long.....

2008-06-07T14:00:00.001Z

Back from the wilds, photos to follow, just popping in to say...watch this space more updates later.
See you all soon, och.

Och Aye, the noo , itsa braw bricht moonlit nicht the nicht so it is.

2008-04-06T22:16:00.013Z

Rock Cottage (can you see it?)

Loch Moidart , Acharacle

No , its not about Scottish Bobby.

We, the intrepid four who go fossil hunting together, are off to the wilds of Bonnie Scotland in a few days time.

Ardnamurchan actually. Rock Cottage to be precise.

And here are a couple of pics to drool over.

The noo.

Rock Cottage

The view from one of t'hills above Sunart

How not to open ones mouth too much

2008-04-06T21:43:00.003Z

Im still going to pilates on a Wednesday , although I dont think it has helped me to lose any flab, just keeps me a bit flexible. However, I chat a lot as those who know me well will testify(remember" motormouth" Ken?) . This led me to chatting with a fellow pilatean(?), Bob, the copper. Nice man , but I believe him to be on the Autistic Spectrum.

The Battle field band

Why else would anyone loan a person not ONE but TEN cds of his favourite folk band simply because she has expressed an interest in Folk music? The person then felt obliged to listen to EVERY cd of the aforementioned band (see pic) , make notes and report back the following week whereupon scottish Bobby presented her with another SEVEN f*****g CDs of the same band!!

There followed another tortuous bout of CD listening, making notes and returning , only to find he was off sick.

Probably out buying more CDs.

signed

ungrateful wretch

Has it been that long?!

2008-04-06T10:48:00.003Z

Well, what can I say? I have been too busy playing scrabble on facebook to log in but now Im back.For a quick looksee.Stimulated by the blog and acompanying pod cast of a relative and funny man plus his friend.Check it out...www.franandfronkinshow.blogspot.com
I will add a link on the right.
See yas soon

Well, Doh!

2007-11-08T19:22:00.000Z

Is it me again or do some people seem to get money and do research that really serves no useful purpose at all? I speak...with apologies to Sandi Toksvig for stealing her lines......of those who work for the University of the Bleedin obvious.

For example, if you feed an elephant 4000 times the safe human dose of LSD , guess what? It dies!! And another that is worthy of the No shit Sherlock gazette.....People over 60 are far more likely to suffer exhaustion when climbing mountains than those who are younger.

Never!

2007-10-30T11:45:00.000Z

Just trying something out.

The California fires

2007-10-30T11:26:00.000Z

Terrible they indeed are and my thoughts go out to these people who have had their homes and posessions destroyed. However......is it just me or is there a marked difference in the response from the Bushbabies administration compared to the response (or lack of) to the New Orleans floods? Am I just imagining that it could be because New Orleans was full of poor black people and California?...well, say no more.

Wide mouthed woman

2007-10-08T21:07:00.000Z

We went to the Harvester for a meal, not expecting complete silence you understand but at least some "normal" general chat.What hit me the moment we walked in was some female voice loud and whiny and way over everyone elses.I couldnt believe what I was hearing.Everyone was attempting to have conversations but this damn womans voice drowned everything. Imagine if you will, chalk scraping on a blackboard at 60 decibels.If I think of more analogies Ill print them.

Strangely, the people she was with did nothing to shut her up. The people on the next table had suffered it all through their meal.Ours was just beginning.

I had just grasped a serrated steak knife and was rising from my chair with the intention of cutting her throat, yes , I do mean it, when she left, with her entourage.

A stunned silence (almost) descended over the restaurant and I was saved from a life sentence for murder.

I may have got manslughter under the circumstances.

Yorkshire...ee bye gum!

2007-09-11T19:23:00.000Z

Well its been a while and I have devoted far more time to Facebook than to my trusty blog. A little update then.

My trusty cousin (sounds a bit like a horse doesnt she? now you come to mention it.........!)

and I went skipping off to Yorkshire recently to view the delights of the Yorkshire Sculpture Park.When BJ as she is known hereabouts booked the farm on which we were to spend our two nights, I dont think either of us realised just what a haul it would be to get there.

It wasnt helped by the fact that the car of choice, the rover, had a problem with the water tank, fan and thermostat ,meaning that we had to stop and top her up every 30 miles.

Not only that but we also had to play mechanics and disconnect the fan at one point which mucked up the engine management system by....well, you surely arent interested in that.But we were proud of ourselves in that we asked for , nor accepted any help.

Farm was in a great location, 360 degree view from the top of a hill and a 10minute walk from a very decent steak house.

The park itself was a wonder.All free .You could make a donation if you wished .

We did. We also sneaked some pics in the underground gallery which you werent supposed to do because they wanted you to buy postcards , which we also did.

Check out the pics.Andy Goldsworthy was the artist who most inspired and Elizabeth Frinks naked men...scary scary SCARY!!

Had a great time.On the second evening, in the middle of the night, the resident cat jumped through our bedroom window straight onto my bed.

Two floors up!

How the hell did it manage that?!

Returned home safely.Next trip is to see Punchdrunk performing the Masque of the Red Death at Battersea arts centre.

Watch this space.

Cyprus ...the finale.....of testosterone, Aphrodite and ice cream vans.

2007-08-27T20:52:00.000Z

The last bit, I promise.

The swimming pool was really like a hot bath and I do mean hot.As you swam around you kept thinking" Phew, better get out of here before I cook" only to find yourself becoming dry roasted as you emerged from the water.

Best to get in the pool early morning or late afternoon.Not only to beat the sun but to avoid those youths who were christened the Teststerone Three.

They were only about 14-16 and didnt even dwell in the hotel or I might have been able to have a word (maybe). They arrived armed with two lilos , a ball and enough male laddishness to rival , well, any male lad you could think of.

As one was elegantly (?) swimming to and fro these little gits kept flinging in the lilos and jumping on them with assorted whoops and yells.Now, I dont mind the lilos or the yells but they never paid any heed to others in the pool, something which brought them very close, and I do mean close , to being up ended by my version of a great white shark.

Then I realised why. They were showing their male prowess to several girls at the other end of the pool.I felt a measure of sympathy then because the girls clearly regarded them as complete twats , were way to old for them and busy showing off themselves to some older boys at the other end of the pool.

Ahh, sweet bird of youth....bang....there...dead in the water!

Aphrodites birthplace was beauiful and even tempted me to leave the confines of the air conditioned car for a micro second to snap a pic and return. Legend has it that if you swim around the rock, clockwise , 20 times at mid night, you look 20 years younger.

Im still waiting.

My own testosterone two wanted to have a go on a jet ski which they did.(See the pic)

I was very tempted but chickened out, deciding that I didnt have the upper body strength necessary to climb back on the thing after I had inevitably fallen off. A vision that no innocent soul should have to witness.

The trip up the Troodos mountains was good but after slaving away and roasting even with the aircon to reach the summit what did we find?

A radar establishment, cctv cameras and.......Mr Whippy!

Yes, right at the top was an ice cream van gratefully received.

I think it was Peter Kay.

Cyprus was lovely.

Check out some of the wildlife .

Cyprus part two...of lost loukamades and dancing greeks

2007-08-20T19:25:00.000Z

It was to be a special meal, greek night at the Oasis.Pepe had pre ordered loukamades from the mad dancing greek who had assured him that they would be there, ready for him. Andreas and the Patsy were joining us and all would be great fun.

Not.

It was mind numbingly hot , even at 9pm and things did not get off to a good start when Patsy was forced to wait, very reluctantly, for Neo coolboy who is always last to get ready.

Then , when the restaurant was invaded, the mad greek had a look of horror on his face because he clearly had completely forgotten the aforementioned louks in his excitement at leaping over flaming grappa probably.

Bad to worse.

Patsy finished her meal in a microsecond, I did not receive half of mine and still the carnivores of our party were awaiting half a lamb each closely followed by a whole emu.

Too much for the Patsy, she left.

I tried to leave but Pepe got very shirty about it and so I stayed to keep the peace.

Mistake.

Sat there for an hour, in the heat, no drink, whilst Pepe , not so patiently, waited for the missing loukamades.

Excuses ranged from, "Ive sent the wife out to get them" to the final "you know what, they BURNED the loukamades" To which I mouthed the reply "b******s"

All tempers were frayed and to cap it all, the bill then took another hour to arrive whilst the mad greek roasted his nether regions by leaping over flaming circles of grappa on the floor of the restaurant whilst balancing glasses on his head.

Altogether, a crap night.

More pleasant tales to follow.

More views of Sunny Cyprus

2007-08-15T19:49:00.000Z

THE PATSY IN PROFILE

PEPE LE SHREW BETWEEN FEEDS

NORIEGA CHILLIN

SNOB BOY AS THE THINKER

NEO COOLBOY

SNOB BOY AND NORIEGA IN THE EXEC BEDROOM

Back from sunnier climes!

2007-08-15T19:12:00.000Z

Its been a while and I thought I would add to my trusty blog. Returned from Aphrodites Isle about a week ago and immediately got overwhelmed by the dirty washing ....here I am now.

Cyprus was a brilliant holiday, en famille, which has its ups and downs.Stayed in a great place, Coral beach resort near Paphos.A tad expensive but good accommodation. See the pic, view from our third floor room over the pool, sea and harbour.

Arrived to a heatwave.Yes, I know.Cyprus , August what would you expect? Well, NOT temperatures in the mid 40s and a humidity of 80-90% thats for sure! Anyway, much swimming, lazing in the shade, eating , reading and drinking. It was a tough job but someone had to do it.

More famille in the shape of Andreas, aka "Snob boy" and the Patsy arrived during our first week. I must state here, for anyone to read that the following account of parts of their stay are written with much affection as we thoroughly enjoyed their company.That being said......

Snob boy is so called because he doesnt like to mix with the riff raff or "poor people" and so he and the Patsy had booked themselves into the executive area of the hotel.Separate entrance, sofas, a patio and private (well, away from the chaves) dining if they wished.

THE EXEC AREA

The only trouble was that they were on the ground floor so they didnt have the view that us tramps had and were forced to look at lazing, shiny, frying bodies on the grass immediately in front of their patio. This , coupled with the fact that the Patsy, who is much more in touch with her working class roots, would not allow him to use the private dining area, meant that snob boy was forced to dine with the rest of the rabble.

Now dining was a trauma for another of the party, one Pepe le Shrew.If Pepe didnt eat something every 15minutes he went into a blue funk threatening to " Find his own restaurant" and such like. After this initial sticky couple of hours we purchased some snacks for Pepe so that the room permanently resembled the Co Op and smelled like the cheese section in Sainsburies.Not to worry, it kept Pepe happy.

More pics of the hotel and its guests to follow.More of the Cyprus saga to be written after the weekend. Watch this space.

Off to sunnier climes

2007-07-22T18:35:00.000Z

Bye guys, off to sunny Cyprus at 6am tomorrow.See you in a fortnight!

In defence of Cadburys

2007-07-17T19:28:00.000Z

As you may be aware, Cadburys, the manufacturer of positively my favourite chocolate in the whole world, are being taken for a considerable sum of money because of the Salmonella scare in one of their products. Now, I dont know all the details, I will read up AFTER I have written this, (as is my way) but I write to defend the one comment I have heard.
Some poor feckless employee has had the affrontary to say that " a little bit of Salmonella was not considered to pose a risk to the general public."
This has caused an outcry.
Why? I say.
Again , WHY?
Any microbiologist worth their sort knows that in order to have an outbreak of food poisoning, a certain bacteriological burden is required in the contaminated material. This does not amount to 1 or 10 or 100 or even a 1000 organisms but many many more.Even for old, infirm and infants.
Salmonella is indeed an indication of faecal pollution and certainly should not be there but Im hoping that Cadburys would have gone on to identify the source of the contamination and deal with it.
In this day of vastly improved isolation and detection techniques, I suspect, only suspect you understand, that Cadburys would be able to detect far fewer organisms than were necessary to cause a serious panic.
So, give the guys a break, preferably with a bar of the divine cadburys dairy milk.
I may have to eat my words when Ive read up on the case ....if only it were cadburys.

St Tropez or Chavvy orange

2007-07-16T20:59:00.000Z

Heather and I are going to get a spray tan on Friday afternoon...schools out yippee!

Im off to Cyprus for two weeks next Monday and I couldnt be bothered to cream myself all over with holiday skin ...too much flesh, Id need about a dozen bottles.

THIS IS ME...HONEST! (fingers crossed)

My friend Sheila , aka Mrs Bling, gets her tan from a salon when she goes to functions requiring her to bare her shoulders (?!) so I thought I would give it a whirl so that my pasty white flesh doesnt look quite so pasty in a swimsuit. When I booked it over the phone, it raised not a titter when I told the woman I didnt want to end up looking like an orange. Just stony silence.

I had to tell her that I was teasing her , to which she replied "Oh, I see."

Not a very good start.She'll probably have a bottle of dark mahogany tan ready and waiting when we get there.

Strange co -incidence or....?

2007-07-16T20:44:00.000Z

I would really like someone to work out and let me know the probability of this. You know when you keep seeing the same person, at totally different times of the day or night? Or do you know?! Theres this guy who the boys and I have nick named " The walking man"He always seems to be walking along local roads whenever we are out either driving or walking ourselves.

HANG ON...I THINK I RECOGNISE THIS GUY!

Now, the times and days vary because I definitely am not a creature of habit.He obviously lives locally and possibly works locally but what are the chances of this sighting of him being so frequent? I go from one weeks end to the next without catching sight of a neighbour or friend yet this man, keeps cropping up.He even walked by the other day whilst I was talking to Terry the twitcher and we both said "sorry" for being in each others way. So now weve made contact.Chris saw him drinking at the SU bar in Brunel when he was there, somewhere Chris rarely goes. Hes either a guardian angel or a stalker...or maybe just an ordinary guy who likes to walk.Chris thinks his job is testing trainers.He could even be right.

Down my road

2007-07-16T20:17:00.000Z

Not- so- evil Bob is at it again. This time he has submitted full plans and wants planning permission to actually BUILD a bungalow. Well, nothing has changed except that my road is one in an area of recently designated " special local character".I guess that makes us one step down from a triple s i. Anyway, it means that not so evil Bobs proposed development doesnt really fit in with the big scheme. Not only that...theres no damn room for it! No one would mind if he was building it for himself or his mum or daughter but we all know that he will sell it immediately to make a profit.

A SLIGHT EXAGGERATION..BUT YOU GET THE PICTURE

Now, whilst I have no objection to making a profit...Im as capitalist as the next person...I really dont want my quality of life threatened by this carport/crossover/stopping light/construction site which will be right next door.

Terry the curtain twitcher got some signatures anyway and now it will have to go to panel.
Even Derek the brick signed although he did his usual Jobs comforter bit with "he'll get it anyway".Yes, well if we all took that attitude ,Hitler probably would have won the War!

Of moscows mules , Tennyson Down and the Great wall of China

2007-07-13T19:32:00.000Z

YARMOUTH IOW

A VERY OLD VIEW OF ORCHARD STORES

aka Arkwrights to us.

Its been a while since I blogged, apologies to my hundreds of readers, millions of publishers and positively billions of film producers falling over themselves and drooling with anticipation at the film that could be made of this blog........uh? where am I ?? .......sorry ...in my dreams...

Anyway, time for an update. As my loyal follower(s) and friend(s) know, the Isle of Wight, that lovely little piece of England where time stood still for 30 years before it caught up again, is visited on a yearly basis by yours truly and the gang ..aka the 2x4's (dont ask).

FIELD HOUSE IOW

This year is no exception and Mucky, Legs, BJ and Stubb wended (?) their way to the ferry at Lymington last Saturday lunchtime. Alisson and Jim, our long suffering hosts, were pre warned of our imminent arrival. In fact they agreed to us staying for another 4 days in spite of the fact that they knew exactly what to expect.Well, not EXACTLY because our gang thrives on doing at least one more ridiculous thing every year. Nevertheless, we had not been shunned by these generous folk , although we would not have been surprised to find a note on the door saying they had moved to unknown climes.

A wonderful ferry crossing, brilliant blue skies , no rain or Tsunamis and a great walk to Freshwater to our wonderfully luxurious and welcoming home for 4 days which also must have the most comfortable beds in the world.Im sure the mattress is filled with the down , hand plucked from the backs of extinct dodos or some such creature. This is essential as BJ and I share a bed (we've been together long enough so its allowed) and we are two magnificent specimens of womanhood with a combined tonnage of around 100 .Having a bed that doesnt even move when one gets out is superb.

FRESHWATER BAY

Check out the link to Field House, Pound Green, IOW, in my "chains"
Wondrous food with Jim as a most solicitous host and Alisson being very indulgent with us and we were set for the four days. We had a quiz, raced butterflies and laughed loads, I DO mean loads.

Tennyson down was as beautiful as ever and we managed to squeeze in a cream tea. We got caught in a 10minute downpour on Afton Down, the abiding memory of which will be Mucky attempting to get Legs into her see through plastic poncho that was really nothing more than a very large polythene bag whilst the wind flapped it everywhere and BJ watched in the shelter of the tea shop thinking "oh there they are, poor loves" Yes, thats ALL she did! Not rush out to rescue us or anything . I know it would have been futile but...thats not the point!

We met up with another resident of Alisson and Jims, a very jolly lady called Jean.Well, she was jolly by the time we left.I think the poor woman had been seeking some peace but she made the mistake of booking the same time us us which then made peace unattainable.

She did say she enjoyed it and that laughter was the best medicine,.I still cant help feeling she may have been a tad overwhelmed!
Food at the Vine , the local pub , was the order of most evenings. One evening was spent at the Fatima tandoori where the waiter steadfastly refused to acknowledge that he remembered us.Im sorry, but I just cant believe that we havent made such an impression over the five years that he didnt at least want a one way ticket back to Pakistan! Anyway, the food was great.

The greatest evening was indeed spent in the Vine at the Monday night quiz.Our illustrious hosts and , by this time, totally overwhelmed Jean, came with us and it made the evening all the more special. We ate there again , with great food except that Jean had to eat a beef madras, thinly disguised as a chicken balti.I dont think her stomach will ever be the same!

We thought thatAlisson was fraternising with the enemy at one point but it turns out that she knew some people down there. Jim kept his own council.We did OK except for one or two dodgy answers that we really wanted to dispute like the Great wall of China being 160 km long ...well give or take a few thousand Jim said! This and the 10 correct answers given by some cheating residents (they were using their mobile to access the internet.) to an impossible snowball when clearly they were in the shallow end of the gene pool (not my comment but from one of our group who shall remain nameless) made Jim cross and he turned from quiet scotsman into BRAVEHEART!

We will get them next year, never fear Jim!
Im running out of steam and superlatives but thanks guy(s) and gals, it was quite an adventure yet again. It gets better every year. Watch out for the pics.Ill post them when I can. Hasta la vista IOW.

BALLYBUNTAL...dohh! Why didnt I know that?!

Sunday afternoon...and I should be doing something else!

2007-07-01T13:55:00.000Z

This is so addictive! Ive just spent an hour answering emails and going onto my facebook account and commenting on others. I really should be doing something else like ironing or cleaning. Yawwwnn! Anyway, a little update.
A really sadistic device, an electronic fly killer was purchased the other day.I wasnt impressed and I said so.However, Ive just spent another 10minutes using the damn thing.
Now the house is filled with the aroma of frying invertebrates, along with roast lamb.
I need forgiveness again I think.

Away for the weekend

2007-06-26T21:24:00.000Z

Helen and I found a flyer at Pilates advertising a "Folk and Ale " weekend down near Waterlooville in Hampshire.

Oh yes, what fun, lets go and ...camp!

CLOUDS ON THE WAY DOWN

So , campsite booked at the princely sum of £6, we prepared to go.

Then, flash flood warnings, dire weather conditions and an executive decision was made to go bed and breakfast, thank God!

OUR ROOM

Helen drove down (my car is being mended from a crash but Ill write about that in another post).

We arrived at around 10pm and , all I can say is that the "village hall" appeared to be a nissan hut with approximately two and a half people in it.No, I lie, three people.

Convulsed with hysterical laughter would not be an exaggeration.We were unable to leave the car for fear of wetting our knickers but eventually we ventured forth.

Janet and I had been in touch by email and she made us very welcome. As we stepped into the throng of revellers we were bowled over by the exciting buzzing atmosphere and ambience...no, thats not right, oh yes, there was no atmosphere or throng of revellers, simply very very aged villagers (think duelling banjos here) listening intently to unaccompanied , finger in the ear folk singing of the " when we went down the mine and got blown up and everyone died and the ship sank at sea and Jenny lost her maidenhead"...etc etc.

A RIVER IN THE GROUNDS

Occasionally someone played a guitar and we heard snippets of Ewan Mcoll type folk music which was great but mostly it was damn depressing and mind numbingly boring.However, how could we leave with Janet being so nice?

We also met up with Arthur who also welcomed us but had a rather bizarre way of sidling over unexpectedly and revealing snippets of totally inappropriate gossip throughout the evening such as " see that one over there? Last time I saw her she was a man" and stuff like that.
Unfortunately for him, he revealed this shocking information to Helen who really was no fun and nodded wisely saying" yes, its very difficult for people"

That wasnt what Arthur wanted.I knew that.If only he had made his revelation to me I would have responded in a much more tabloid way with " Oh my God! You cannot be serious! How can you BEAR to be in the same room as him? etc etc" But no, he stuck to Helen , revealing more and more which simply drove her deeper and deeper into understanding social worker/liberal bleeding heart mode.The advantage of this was of course that he soon gave up all attempts to shock and sidled off to boil a baby.

We stayed as long as was polite and then got off to the hotel.At least the beer was good.

The room was somewhat like a chalet.Look at the pics.All ok except we had no hot water for the whole two days. We did get a discount.Watched a bit of Glastonbury , had some wine then hit the sack.
Next day, Helen and I practised a Steel eye span song, the Drunkard. This was with a view to singing it at the evenings revelries.Yes, we were going back.

SOME OF THE GARDEN

I was really impressed with Helen.She had never heard the song before but managed to learn all the words and the tune.

We went back, suffered more finger in the ear stuff and chorus songs.One of them sounded like it was praising paedophiles but it may have just been the way we interpreted it!

And some old biddy told some god awful story , using props like soap and jif and Mr Sheen to make it funny which it wasnt.I tried so hard to look interested but Helen said I didnt succeed.

We sang our song, the highlight of the evening, and it went down well.Then Helen one two raffle prizes, one which was a joint of meat and as her and her whole family are vegetarian , she told them what to do with it ...no...not really....told them to give it to someone else.

The weekend was really a great laugh and I thoroughly enjoyed it, but not for the folk singing.I think Helen did too.Cant wait for next year.

We wont be going, unless its to see if Arthur has had a sex change.

Hero with feet of clay

2007-06-26T21:06:00.000Z

I think I must have been an ostrich at some point in the late sixties , early seventies.

My all time favourite group has to be Cream.Remember? Ginger Baker, Jack Bruce and the legendary best guitarist ever (possibly closely followed by George Harrison) Eric Clapton.

I still love their music.Rock n Roll at its best.And I still love Claptons guitar.

But... I was listening to some rock history prog on the radio whilst driving and they were talking about the origins of the rock against racism movement.Apparently, it was started as a backlash to the comments made by my dear Eric at one of his gigs effectively saying that Enoch Powell was right and making very racist comments all through the concert.The papers reviled him the next day and various musicians wrote him and open letter saying, Hey Eric.Where would you and your music be without black soul , R and B and Blues?

Where indeed Eric?

I was shaken to discover that this hero of mine, who is still of course a tremendous musician, should hold views that are so opposed to my own.

Mind you, that was 40 years ago.

Maybe hes changed.

Feet of clay.

Why am I surprised?

Lest we forget that we were young once

2007-06-04T19:42:00.000Z

I have a collection of well over 300 vinyl records and was excited to have delivered yesterday, an Ion turntable with USB connector so that I can put all my vinyls onto CD.

I , of course, got involved in listening to and reminiscing over old records.

I came across the collection of Bob Dylans , someone whose voice I never reckoned.I always thought that anyone else sang Dylan songs better than Dylan but he is a mean writer of lyrics.

Couldnt resist printing some lyrics , written in the sixties but still as relevant today.

Come gather round people wherever you roam

And admit that the waters around you have grown

And accept it that soon youll be drenched to the bone

If your time to you is worth saving

Youd better start swimming or youll sink like a stone

For the times they are a changin.

Come senators and congressmen please heed the call

Dont stand in the doorway dont block up the hall

For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled

The battle outside is raging

Itll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls

For the times they are a changin

Come mothers and fathers throughout the land

Dont criticise what you cant understand

Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command

Your old road is rapidly fading

Just get out of the new one if you cant lend a hand

For the times they are a changin

We all need reminding .Thankyou Bob.

Is it just me or.........?

2007-06-04T19:35:00.000Z

Outraged yet again today.
A man who had been charged with molesting boys in his choir/orchestra received a sentence of 4years today.
The judge said the sentence was light because , since committing the offences he(the man not the judge) had married and had children of his own. He was also safe to work with children, the judge said.
Oh, thats all right then.
!!!!!!!!

Extraordinary rendition, aka, human rights violations

2007-06-04T19:15:00.000Z

I know Im feeling better because things are beginning to outrage me again.Like mans inhumanity to man and stuff like that. I need to make it plain right now that this piece is not an attack on America or its people , just its current administration in the shape of Dubya junior with whom our lord and master , Tony, had such a good relationship.

I must be very slow to catch on because Ive only been made aware of this "Extraordinary Rendition " thing by the program on TV.

Outraged doesnt begin to describe how I felt.

Ive always seen Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib as despicable when the US is supposed to be "civilised" and yet the Bush administration condones and encourages the torture of prisoners held without trial. With the acceptance Im sure of the British government.

The motto being "Dont get caught"

But I foolishly thought things were getting better.Then I heard about Khalid El Nasri , an innocent German citizen, and his terrible experiences.No justice even now for him and he has just been admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

Countries in Europe also in league with the CIA over this.

Im rambling now.

I just want it to stop. All the torture and the lies and the inhumanity.

Maybe Ill join Amnesty.

Our jolly good fun day out

2007-05-30T15:46:00.000Z

Wendy and I went up town today to see the Antony Gormley exhibition.It was brilliant , as expected, and the fog room was quite an experience. The fog really did restrict visibility to a hand in front of your face .It was wet and , cold and bright and more than a little claustraphobic.

Why did he make this installation , you may ask.

I quote from the author

"Architecture is supposed to be the location of security and certainty about where you are.It is supposed to protect you from the weather, from darkness, from uncertainty.Blind light undermines all of that.You enter this interior space that is the equivalent of being on top of a mountain or at the bottom of the sea.It is very important for me that inside it you find the outside. Also you become the immersed figure in an endless ground, literally the subject of the work."

Yep, just as I thought(!!??)

There were loads of other greatly moving exhibits also and my idea of art is something that elicits a good response from you or something that is obviously incredibly talented.

This was the former. Well worth a visit.

Wendy broke her oyster card on the way by sticking it in the machine instead of touching it on the yellow circle.She blamed me of course saying she had just copied me.

Yes , well, hey there, I had a one day travel card!!

We walked over Waterloo bridge , had a wicked sausage toad in the Wellington pub and then mosied back through the embankment gardens.

Got home before the rush hour.Great day out.Knackered now.

Ive been ill.......or...The Norwalk virus and me.

2007-05-30T15:43:00.000Z

I know, its pathetic isnt it? I thought the last bout of illness would be it for a year but no.
I wont go into to details but suffice to say my 48hours involved sleeping, the toilet, more sleeping, more toilet...you know the rest.
Anyway, my dad and my uncle Alec both had it so we all decided we must have got it at the hospital.
Better now, blogging again.

My wish visiting list 2

2007-05-20T21:53:00.001Z

Blind Light.......Anthony Gormleys exhibition at the Haywood Gallery

My wish visiting list

2007-05-20T21:48:00.000Z

The yorkshire sculpture park

Auntie Elsie and the polish woman

2007-05-20T21:11:00.000Z

My Auntie Elsie is in her eighties and doing pretty well.However, she fell indoors a day or so ago and fractured her wrist. Nick and I went to visit her in Wexham Park hospital. Shes doing ok so far.

I am here to write about the woman in the next bed. There we were sitting talking and listening to Els when the nurse comes in to change the womans incontinence pad (I know we shouldnt discuss this in polite company so I wont.)

Anyway, the curtains were drawn and all we could hear was " aye aye aye aye aye!" wailing from the next bed. The nurse was explaining that, contrary to the patients opinion, she wasnt trying to kill her, simply to make her a bit more comfortable.

It didnt help that the poor woman couldnt speak a word of English and the nurse, not a word of Polish. Now one would think that my Aunt Els, having been married to a Pole (of the Eastern European variety , not Homebase) for probably 50 years, would speak some Polish.

Not so.

Not a word can she utter.

So that didnt help.

Anyway, nurse leaves, curtains drawn back, patient in view.

I made the mistake of smiling at her and telling her my name , to which she replied that hers was "Toshi" in spite of the fact that it said Antonina over her bed.Maybe Toshi meant something else? Oh well, too late now.

Biggest mistake I could have made because from then on there was no peace for the three of us.

"oy oy oy oy" was the constant cry to get my attention.Closely followed by "Shooshi, shooshi shooshi" which I worked out meant toilet. I went for the nurse three times but she was busy serving tea. I told Toshi I couldnt take her so she picked on Nick! She tried to get my attention again by attempting to get out of bed, an attempt that I did prevent.

What a worry tho. I did feel for her because it must be particularly undignified to lay there knowing you need to go but helpless to get there.

Next time, Ill take a porta potti.

Nazdrovia, Toshi.

Displacement activity

2007-05-15T11:30:00.000Z

The lyrics (and the tune) of this Simon Webbe song are just what you need when you want cheering up. Thats my verdict anyway. Try and catch the song, cant give you a link but its on limewire, called Coming around again. You know when something is just enough to make you feel happy? Like a holiday, a new friend, a long awaited contact, losing 3 pounds in weight, etc etc?

Ive been sitting in the darkness
But the sunlights creeping in
Now the ice is slowly melting
In my soul and on my skin
You know those good times my friend?
They're coming around again.

We've been so long waiting
For the all time highs
We've got a damn good reason
To put your troubles aside
You know those winter sorrows
Hanging round to dry?
Better throw them away
Gotta throw them away
All those colourful days my friend,
Are coming around again.

Just thought Id share them.
Also, now this is an experiment to see if I can do it, my confused friend http://kenjoy.net/music/downloads/eclipse.htm has just completed a new album and some of the tracks on that have a similar uplifting effect.Check it out

Yet more pics of Roma

2007-05-13T14:19:00.000Z

Me (spot the satsuma)
and the gang in Le Lanterne

The gang at the colosseum

The Trevi Fountain

Piazza de popolo Near the Roman Forum Roman Forum

Casting my clouts

2007-05-13T13:46:00.000Z

Yes, I know, "Cast not a clout till May is out" but when you are not sure when its going to rain and when not you have to "strike while the trowel is hot" dont you?
I speak of gardening and I spent all day Saturday casting as many clouts as I could.
Very satisfying to see my Bizzie Lizzies smiling at me from the pots and flower beds and the Marguerites in pots gasping their thanks because they were in fact pot bound.
Another neighbour , not Evil Bob who is not evil anymore by the way, cut down the Holly trees that formed a nice privacy screen at the end of his garden and the side of mine.Now it feels like Im in a fish bowl!
I need to find a fast growing evergreen climber to restore my comfort zone.
A pole in the middle of the flower bed formed the highlight of the day.
This pole had come, over the years, to represent the struggle between the dominant male of the species and the local wildlife in the form of a squirrel and its offspring.
Every hurdle imaginable had been put in the way of the little mammal to prevent its access to the bird food hanging in a metal feeder.( Metal was the only material capable of resisting its sharp little incisors).
Still it found ways , each more elaborate and ingenious that the previous, of jumping on to the feeder and hanging there , nibbling through the bars.
I always quite liked watching it and the birds still came and fed.
However, for alpha male, this became a war of attrition.
Man against beast.
David versus Goliath (which was which?)
Samson and Delilah...no thats not right, Ill stop now.
The pole was the last bastion for our furry friend.He would run up it and leap onto the line bearing the feeder, dodge the rolling plastic coke bottles and find his hanging place, no sweat.
So the pole was greased and I mean greased, with axle grease.
Yes, it did stop the squirrel who just jumped from the roof of the shed then, but it also covered me in grease each time I did anything near it.
It aint no joke to keep getting the damn stuff up your arm or in your hair I can tell you.
I asked, ney DEMANDED, that it be removed.
Then the trial really began. Its my belief that the squirrel and the pole had an agreement because it took about half and hour of bashing and digging and rocking, not to mention the swearing and grease covering, to remove the thing.I watched from the safety of the kitchen, where I could have a little chuckle.
Cruel arent I?
I bet the squirrel laughed more than me.

Skald missing?

2007-05-06T07:39:00.000Z

Alysia seems to have disappeared.
I understand everyones right to remain incognito.
If this is the case...Farewell Alysia...Thanks for reading mine.
I enjoyed reading yours and good luck.

If not....get in touch and keep on blogging eh?

reply to comments
for some reason I am unable to post comments!! So...
Alysia, glad you are still around.Look forward to hearing from you now and then.Send me the link when you are blogging again wont you?

A little bit of breathing

2007-05-06T07:15:00.000Z

Take a few long deep easy breaths

Enjoy the spaciousness that comes with each breath.

Breathing in, feel that light expansion as it flows into every cell in your body.

Breathing out, let go of all holding on, empty out all heaviness.

Let your mind rest on the balanced, easy rhythm of your in and out breath.

Enjoy the freedom of the present moment.

Reply to comments

Not new age...just old me.Thats the beauty of the blog.

I can write whatever I want whenever I feel like it.

The Warrior of Light

2007-05-06T07:02:00.000Z

A warrior of light knows that certain moments repeat themselves.
He often finds himself faced by the same problems and situations and
seeing these difficult situations return, he grows depressed, thinking
that he is incapable of making any progress in life.

" Ive been through this before;" he says to his heart.
" Yes, you have been through this before"; replies his heart.
"But you have never been beyond it".

Then the warrior realises that these repeated experiences have but one aim.
To teach him what he does not want to learn.

Quote taken from "The Manual of the Warrior of light " by Paulo Coelho (Harper Collins 1997)
Reply to comments
Neither.Just a reminder to all of us to acknowledge that which we find difficult fo accept.
Im sure I need that reminder, dont you?

Pilates and the football.

2007-05-02T21:14:00.000Z

Why do I take these things on and then feel supremely happy when I dont have to do them?
Yes, I speak of Pilates. Tonight is indeed pilates night but Helen rang to say she had to fill a form in so she couldnt go. Yes, I know how she felt.I , too, had to open an envelope so Pilates was out of the question.
Sarcasm aside, I danced around the kitchen singing "Im not going to Pilates" to the tune of " Here we go here we go here we go." Try it.It sort of works.
Anyway , the footie was on.I speak of course of the semi finals of the Champions league (UEFA ) between Man U and AC Milan.We were 3/2 up on aggregate and simply needed a draw , even 0/0 , to go through.
But, of course, we were losing 3/0 when I gave up and came up here to add to this little diary of mine and to check my emails. That cheered me up.
So here I sit, typing and listening to my Ipod.The favourite on the gos are Simon Webb, Coming around again, Afternoon Delight the Starland vocal band, Breathless by the Corrs and Come on down to the river by Alison Krause.
Off to a course on Autism tomorrow. Hopefully informative if not fun.

More pics of Roma

2007-05-02T20:45:00.000Z

This is "The sacred place" where Julius Caesar bit the dust.

The colosseum(minus Russell Crowe unfortunately)

View of the Tiber from CastellD'Angelo The Altar of the Nations

Roma ...some more

2007-04-30T21:27:00.000Z

Some more pics of Roma.Ive just copied these for my dear, trusty cousin (sounds like a horse doesnt she?..now you come to mention it......!) Only kiddin cous and HAPPY BIRTHDAY .Shes 21 again today.

The pics speak for themselves so I wont bore you.

The Sally Army

2007-04-30T20:27:00.000Z

I know this is a not very sensitive post I am about to make , so please dont judge me too badly.
I always take my unwanted goods to the Salvation Army and Ive had quite a lot of those lately.Today was no exception and as I deposited the bags the old guy who is always there came out to greet me.He is a really nice old man.
But...have you ever seen some disability or malformation that has made you stare with fascinated awe?
Well, he had one.Ive never noticed it before .Perhaps it has grown lately.
Maybe his hair usually covered it.
Anyway, it grew from his forehead and had little tentacles, just like a miniature octopus.
It was a growth, I suppose like a wart, but, honestly it had at least 5 little pointy legs about 1cm long each.
I found it really hard to talk to him without staring, once it had caught my eye.
The only good thing was that it didnt move.
It was obviously dead.
Sorry
Ive confessed.
Can I be forgiven now?

Eggshells

2007-04-30T12:35:00.000Z

How many eggshells do you have around your home?
Not as many as me I bet.
And you know what?
Im sick of walking on them!!
One of these days Im going to crush them all underfoot and put them in the compost.

Not quite so clueless in Edgware..The follow up

2007-04-21T18:48:00.000Z

As you may have read in the comments, your trusty clueless team came a creditable third in the quiz.No., not out of three , how very dare you! But 12 teams.
Yes, friends, we were amazed too.
We had 8 people on our table including John and his wife Margaret who were very sweet but really quite useless because they werent brave enough even to make suggestions .And I did try and encourage them, I was the scribe.We were on fire! Especially with the "identify 45 celebrity faces" round.This was thanks in no mean way to another team member, a lovely Swedish lady called Uta.She was there with her husband, a retired managing director type who found the whole thing a bit childish Im sure. (Mostly because he didnt know any answers) Uta , on the other hand, was quite prepared to spy for the team and whilst on the pretext of getting some grub, looked at another teams paper to get the final name.It was in fact , D'Arcy Bussell.I defy any of those reading to have recognised this young pic.Any way, Uta, queen of espionage, allowed us to get 45 instead of 44.
Now I know you may be thinking, but thats cheating, and you are of course right.
However, you had to be there because we were being marked down by our rivals.We had to swap answers and when they saw we were getting too close (they came First) they marked some correct answers wrong.
Shameful, for a team who were supposed to be good Christians!
Uta named and shamed them, saying in a very loud voice with a beautiful swedish accent
"You hef been markink us down all eefnink!"
We all parted good friends in the end , although the winners did look daggers at us when the whole hall turned round at Utas voice.
Cant wait till next year.
First place or bust.
I jest of course.

A lovely little book...or perhaps Ive really lost it?!

2007-04-16T09:47:00.000Z

I went into the book shop to buy something to read on the plane and couldnt resist this book.
"The Cloud Spotters Guide" by Gavin Pretor-Pinney
It really does what it says in the title.
Ive always been fascinated by clouds and this book combines facts with pics and myths and above all amusing telling.
I looked at the picture of the author, sitting on a fake cloud, saw also that he was the editor of the "Idler" magazine, saw his name and came to all the conclusions that Im sure others will jump to.
But
First impressions can indeed be wrong. He may well appear to be an upper class twit but read the book.Very funny prose and he doesnt take himself at all seriously...only clouds.
He writes with such eloquence and then puts in bits of science , drama and fascinating facts.
My cousin says I should draw the line at joining The cloud appreciation society but...you know what? I may just do it any way!
www.cloudappreciationsociety.org

I still cant put in the links, sorry!
signing off
saddo of Uxbridge

R.I.P..my dear father in law.

2007-04-11T20:17:00.000Z

A very sad time for us right now.I apologise to any one reading this but it is my tribute to my father in law, Dennis, who passed away just yesterday afternoon aged 86years.He was a good , kind man and always willing to help in all sorts of ways, including washing my kitchen floor.I shall never forget him. God bless you Dad. Thanks for everything. Say hello to both the mums for me.

Roma

2007-04-11T20:07:00.000Z

Roma...mamma mia...molto bene.
We were 5minutes walk from the Trevi fountain, 10 minutes from the Roman forum, 20 minutes from the Colosseum and 1hour from the Vatican and we walked to them all.They were magnificent. The queues for the Cistene Chapel were three hours long so we simply walked around the Vatican and took photos...with my brand new digital camera.As soon as Ive read up on how to download the images I shall do so and post some.
The Colosseum, I was waiting for Russell Crowe but I guess he had urgent business elsewhere.Nevertheless, what a magnificent sight.With or without the original marble it was breathtaking.I could have stayed all day just soaking up the atmosphere but...the pope was due there that very evening, Good Friday, so we had to scarper by 2pm. Walked all over Pallatine Hill and back to our hotel, The Traiano on Novembre 1V, through the Roman forum. Phew.
I shall leave it here and write more tomorrow.
Ciao

Clueless in Edgware

2007-03-30T20:33:00.000Z

Tomorrow night will be crunch time for the team that is..... Clueless in Edgware.
"We" consists of Me , Pete, Heather and Dick , a quiz team renowned for their ability to come bottom of any quiz they choose to. Last time ( and , yes, it was also the first time for our heros)
the humiliation was at the school of our offspring with Heathers immortal words ringing in our ears" I dont mind not doing well as long as we dont come last"......nuff said.
Tomorrow will be different, yes, I feel it in my bones.
Good or bad different , who can say , but different.
The venue is at an old folks home , supper provided , bring your own booze.
This time we wont have our offspring with us, sulking on the table , trying to pretend they dont know us.
They were useless anyway.We made them come to answer the teenage questions on TV programs and music but they knew nothing, absolutely nothing. (or could it have been a double bluff to ensure we didnt take them again? Ah well.)
Auntie Nannette in Wales has sent us a "reminiscences" quiz book with such questions as
"Which boxer was knocked out by Rocky Marciano in 1951?" and "Which actress said I was Snow White but I drifted" Stuff like that.Ive been swotting up.
One tiny teensy little problem with this helpful little book is that it doesnt come with any answers!! Thats a load of goddamn use then isnt it?!
Thank you Auntie Nanette, thank you so bloody much! All this has succeeded in doing is freaking me out now.Letting me know exactly how much I dont know.
Our only hope lies with the luckless geriatric pair who have the misfortune to share our table.John and his wife.
I hope they've been swotting up using a book with answers!
Signing off Clueless -and -freaked -in -Edgware

The PC problem

2007-03-29T20:55:00.000Z

I think Ive cracked it! It was definitely linked to this PC upstairs...for those who are interested...and so I defragmented it, cleared the cookies and temporary internet files, changed the security settings and re entered the blogger name which is actually www2.blogger.com

now we are cooking with gas!!

Evil Bob.....Part three

2007-03-29T20:13:00.000Z

Evil Bobs fall to the dark side really began one sunny day when I was busy pruning back his Leylandii hedge in my front garden.
Bob approaches me round the front gate and appraises me of his plan to apply for outline planning permission for a bungalow to be built at the end of his garden.
"

Oh it wont affect you" he gaily says.
"Its only for a bungalow and so the roof will be below the level of your bathroom window."
Well, we live in a democracy, thank the lord and I had no problem with him applying but felt obliged to be honest about my feelings and so I told him that I was less than keen to have a bungalow built no less than 4 feet away from my boundary fence. We had an amicable discussion about it, honest, and then he moved off to tinker with his motorbike (something he insisted on tuning up every Sunday morning at 7.30, not that I complained but the other neighbours used to yell at him from their bedroom windows)
The self same motorbike had given him no less than three substantial insurance payouts through accidents as well as a considerable period out of work on the sick whilst moonlighting as a lorry driver.This was something else he always parked down our road.His 40 ton articulated lorry.
But
I digress...
Back to the bungalow.
I didnt think much more about it until our neighbour ,Terry , opposite, came over one night to see what we thought of the idea.
Terry and his wife would have the view from their bedroom window spoiled by this bungalow and as Terry likes to see all that transpires in Bob garden, he wasnt too keen.
Terry has reported seeing police raiding Bobs gaff on two occasions now in the wee small hours.Bob wasnt there, probably out mugging old ladies but his wife was in the garden , in her nightie, using her mobile phone.
Again...
I digress.
The bungalow..
Well, my other half and Terry got their heads together, as men do on serious occasions such as this and came up with the idea of a petition to be presented to the council.
Muggins here, agreed to take it round two local roads whilst Tel would take it to the rest.
So, some time and several hundred signatures later (except for those who were scared of Bob, I tell you no lies.) the petition was presented to the council by Terry.
Bob soon learned that he had been turned down and was not allowed to re apply for quite a while.
He was...let me say...a tad disappointed at this
From that moment on, he completely ignored us.
Just us.
No one else.
He made up his mind that we were the villains of the peace and even crossed the road rather than have to breathe our air.
He took opportunities to tell all that would listen (and pass it back to us) that we were very upset with him.
What a load of b******s!
Any way
That was the beginning of the souring....
Bob the Sith Lord
May the force leave you soon.

Please please me......and they did!

2007-03-27T17:13:00.000Z

Went to Swindon on Sunday afternoon , yes thats where my cous lives. If she'll let me Ill publish her name but shes such a shy retiring soul that she may not want me to.
I had been invited to a soiree at a local house of somewhat ill repute...no Im lying.We were going to see and hear a Beatles tribute band called the Pre Fab Four who also happened to be supported by an all girl group called the Shebeats. Sophie (remember she of the daft face photos in Majorca?) had friends who played in the band and she very kindly agreed to drag her aged Aunt (me) and even more aged and wizened Mum (my cous..who is really three weeks younger than me but quite frankly looks considerably older) to see them and to sit with her and her friends while we imbibed.
We were chauffeured and thus able to drink so several whiskies and gins down the line saw and heard us singing every Beatles song they performed.
It was a magnificent evening.The bands were superb and the She beats, well , if they dont get a contract soon from some music mogul Ill starve myself of chocolate for a year!
They write all their own stuff , look and sound amazing and you can check them out on myspace/the shebeats.
Prefab four were also pretty damn good and the evening was a monumental success.
I stayed the night with my cous and then , just to continue the enjoyment we "retailed " in Swindon on Monday till we dropped. Had a great pub lunch on the way and now Im back home telling you about it.Gonna see if I can find a pic of the band on the internet. She loves you yeh yeh yeh yeh.I sure do!

A pic of the eclipse

2007-03-19T12:27:00.000Z

I tried to post this a week or so back .

A glorious pic of the moon after the recent eclipse.Taken by , yet another, cousin who is a whizz with astronomy. Enjoy all the heavenly glories.

Mothers Day

2007-03-19T12:04:00.000Z

I no longer have my dear mum but I went to the cemetary to put some flowers on her grave .Always uplifts me ,strange as it may seem.
Picked my Dad up on the way back and brought him home with me.We have a routine on a Sunday.He comes over by public transport(his choice), Nick cooks breakfast and makes him fried bread , he stays about an hour and a half then I give him a lift to the station.

The boys were great (my other half was in Warwick so I know it was all their own work).They bought me a massive card reading"to the best mum in the world" big pic of a carribean island with the words" we are going to send you to the place where bananas and pineapples come from" Inside...yes..youve guessed it...TESCO!
And I got a shaking thing with glitter in it and a teddy bear that said "mum" on the outside , together with an oil burner and essential oils.So sweet.They know I love that kind of thing.
The other half came back and we went out for a meal in the evening.All booked, yippee, no cooking.
On the way to the restaurant we got "egged" by some little b******s lurking in the bushes and chucking eggs at cars. Felt like a brick hitting the car but when checked only an egg.God only knows what pleasure they derived from it.Freezing cold, snowing, dark and they had to wait alongside the mainroad until the attack.
Anyway, arrived at the restaurant...slight problem...Pete couldnt remember which restaurant he had booked for! Well, not quite true.He knew the name and its phone number but its location didnt appear to be where he thought.We then proceeded to walk the length of Hatch End high street, looking for Fellinis.Found it.Turns out it was their fault.They had moved from across the road to the new location.
All was well.
One bottle of nice chianti and a good meal later, back home , in the warm to watch 24.
I must get on with my work now!! Bad bad girl!

On the genetic superiority of Eastern Europeans

2007-03-19T11:42:00.000Z

Saturday morning was beautiful here in sunny Uxbridge, as it has been for weeks now.Cold but clear blue skies.Just right for walking.....but that not what I did..Im rambling.
I have a polish uncle, by marriage to my Dads sister who was to be 94, yes, 94 on Sunday so I decided I should go and pay him a visit. He only lives 10 minutes away with my Aunt who is herself 84. My youngest and I went over , bearing a bottle of courvoisier.
I couldnt get one card for 94 so I decided to have a joke with him and get him 4 cards all of which added up to 94. Two had badges also, one for Darth Vader which read "obey your master" and one with a pic of bob the builder on it .(he was a carpenter by trade.)
I thought the Darth Vader was particularly appropriate because my Auntie Elsie is bossy and he could simply point at the badge.
Well, you would have thought Id given him and her a million pounds1 They thought it was SO funny and forced popcorn and brandy onto us (well, I had the brandy, Nick had the popcorn.)
He really is amazing for his age.Still gos out, with his stick, walks round to his doctor or to the shops.His mind is good , watches the news daily and reads avidly.Just his hearing going which annoys Auntie Elsie.
So, enough said, I will visit more regularly but if my Uncle Alec is anything to go by, I reckon we should encourage much interbreeding between us Anglo saxons and our Polish friends.We've got the opportunity right now, having so many immigrants.
Their gene pool is clearly superior to ours after all.

Error...Java?

2007-03-13T13:38:00.000Z

Could the error thing be to do with the new Java update I have installed upstairs? Im writing this downstairs ...again! Only minutes ago I couldnt access the blog again and so I came downstairs.It wants me to update Java down here as well.I dont think I shall.

Evil Bob...The beginning

2007-03-13T12:40:00.000Z

I really felt compelled to write this in order that Evil Bob should not be seen in a totally bad light (before I asassinate (?) his character completely). Also, this is a disgraceful displacement activity for me when I should be planning tomorrows lessons.Oh well.
Evil Bob has not always been so evil.When he moved in , with his family, a wife and grown up son, a few years ago , he replaced a much loved 90 year old lady , Jean, with whom I used to have afternoon tea and cakes and my other half would dispose of her garden rubbish and do other odd things for her. So, I admit, I was a tad disappointed that she was leaving us to live with her son.Nevertheless, I did the good neighbour thing and we spoke over the fence and at the door.No tea and cakes, wasnt his or his wifes style.
He was very chatty , if a bit Del boyish . I also dont have a problem with that.My family are all working class from Hammersmith and Acton.I know my roots and Im proud of them, including my Romany gypsy heritage.
I digress.
He gave me bay leaves, I took back his puppy who had made an escape attempt under the garden fence.Cant say I blame it. The first one was knocked down and killed by a car , outside his house in a similar bid for freedom a few months earlier.
He called and told us someone had hit the bumper of our camper van and was trying to flee the scene of his crime. Bob prevented this until we were able to attend to the matter.
I pruned his Lelandii, he pruned his own ivy growing copiously over our fence.He loaned us his long handled pruning shears to do the ornamental plum that was 20 feet high and stealing all the sun.
So, I have established his credentials.
I shall assassinate him in a later article.
Only if this damn error thingy allows it.
Dont hold your breath.

Technicalities

2007-03-13T12:30:00.000Z

Ive tied the "error" message down to
my upstairs PC
and
the time of day or night
and
possibly how long the modem has been on
and
maybe how much use is being made of the modem downstairs whilst Im up here.
The first two are the most significant.Last nights post about evil Bob was done at around 11.30 pm , downstairs,when all had gone to bed.
Now, Im up here at 12.33 pm.
Go figure.
Any more suggestions gratefully received.

Nelson

2007-03-12T23:14:00.000Z

Here are a couple of pics of Nelson, my sweetie hamster who looks just like a little bear.

Evil Bob and the parking

2007-03-12T22:58:00.000Z

We have a really bad parking problem down our road.Brunel university is just around the corner and they have expanded enormously but they dont provide enough parking for the students.The result is...yes...they park down the surrounding roads.That shouldnt be a problem because they do it during the day when most people are at work,but just lately , some cars are parked for the whole week, outside our house.Now we are already a three car family (I know, our carbon footprints are probably the size of bigfoot).
So, irate neighbours all around. Brunel have been told but now we have to wait for residents only parking which no one really wants.
Enough of the background.What has this to do with Evil Bob you may well ask.
No one likes the situation but I for one dont blame the students, I blame Brunel for not being more aware of the consequences of their expansion and for banning first years from parking on their campus.
But, Evil Bob, he does blame the students or at least, he gets back at them.
He has already put bollards out, I dont have a problem with that.
However, I DO have a problem with him breaking off the windscreen wipers of any car parked on his frontage and /or letting their tyres down.
Shot himself in the foot a week ago because he made the front two types flat of one car and it stayed there for three weeks.
Surprising?
No.
Most students cant afford one tyre let alone two.
I have more to say about evil Bob , apart from his picking on students.
Watch this space and I will blacken his character further.
I get on well with the neighbors, honest.
But Evil Bob, well hes something else!!

In praise of Nick

2007-03-12T08:20:00.000Z

My youngest said" just refresh the page"
Having done all the complicated things including posting a message for help and rebooting and making sure I had my updates...I couldnt quite believe it would be that simple but..out of the mouths of babes...or could it be that I just cant see the wood for the trees sometimes?!
Off now to give the hero a lift to school.

Ahhh, it must be something to do with my PC upstairs!

2007-03-12T01:17:00.000Z

Well, here I am posting at last but as its 1am Im going to bed! The error I keep getting is obviously something to do with my other PC which is a pain because this one is used all the time by the two terrors!
Ill try and work it out.
see ya
yawwwwwnn!

Still cant add any posts to my blog.Any suggestions? I suppose I could do everything as a title! But its not quite the same.This is the most..... ....

2007-03-06T21:23:00.000Z

I cant type anything! I keep getting errors on the page!

2007-03-06T20:36:00.001Z

That eclipse

2007-03-05T21:13:00.000Z

of boobs and bees......

2007-03-02T22:02:00.000Z

Just felt like sharing this....went for a mammogram today..just routine. Boy , is it painful?!
Only other woman will be able to relate to this, having your boobs squashed flat to about a centimetre between two metal plates. Phew! I know it was worthwhile but surely in this day and age there could be a better less painful way? OK, Ill stop moaning.Im lucky it gets done routinely under the NHS.
and...what is making those American bees abandon their hives and die?
der der der der, (twilight zone music)
Ta ra for now.Off to get some vino and watch pop idol.

Exquisite misery?

2007-02-27T19:45:00.000Z

This really did make me laugh, not what the promotor intended Im sure. Theres this guy called someone Wynd who runs a club called "Crying nights" He promotes it under the title of Loss...a night of exquisite misery. He gets all sorts of acts in , all of whom do really sad or doleful things and music that is supposed to make you cry.At midnight he brings out onions and the patrons chop them just to make sure they get their moneys worth!!
He says he had 500 people through the doors last week and that crying is good for you.
I do so agree that I feel better after a good cry but I feel 100x better than that after a good laugh!! I just wonder...who would go out and spend money to be made sad?

Evolution or Creation? Why do we have to choose?

2007-02-27T19:11:00.000Z

I watched an old film the other day...when I should have been lesson planning....called "Inherit the wind" It was a true story from 1925 about a teacher who was prosecuted for teaching Darwinian evolution. Spencer Tracy and Gene Kelly made the film great but the point for me was that nothing much seems to have changed as far as certain politicians are concerned.
Now, Im a scientist AND a believer. Why is it assumed that these two points of view are mutually exclusive? I believe in Darwinian evolution...whats to believe...the proof is there for all to see.I also have absolutely no hang up about being descended from apes. (Some humans have evolved less than others on this score!) Any scientist worth their salt will tell you that there are still big gaps to be filled and that no one truly can say what started the expanding universe from a singularity. Its just that , thats what happened.
I believe in God, Jesus Christ , his teachings and that he played a hand in our creation.No doubt in my mind.What I DONT believe is that every word of the bible should be taken literally, especially when it has been translated many times by men, not divine entities.
Why then are creation and evolution considered to be poor bedfellows?
Take off the blinkers please, all you play boys and play girls who are NOT gonna change my world. A little lateral thinking outside the box, open mindedness, look at the proof.Its NOT blasphemous to believe in Darwin and spirituality is NOT a fairy story. I know that Douglas Adams reckoned that " Proof of God denies faith and without faith he is nothing therefore he doesnt exist" but that was just the babel fish. Faith is faith and no one can take that away from you.Someone said, and he is so right, that many people are suffering from spiritual poverty right now. Get your heads together guys instead of banging the rocks and stop being so scared of the unknown.